


Death Be Not Proud

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-01
Updated: 2006-10-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:23:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: The title sums it up in relation to the ep In My Time Of Dying.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

DEATH BE NOT PROUD  
By Shorts

Everything seemed sharper, more real, as the commotion suddenly stopped. The sense of finality smothered the very air in the room. Only the steady high pitch of the machine broke the hushed silence, until it too was silenced with a flip of a switch.

“No!”

The heart rendering shout came from Sam, who was held back by Dean in the doorway. It broke his heart to do this to his boys, but the price for Dean’s life was cheap . . . considering.

“Don’t,” choked Dean, tightening his hold around his brother, his own eyes filled with pain and sorrow.

John stood off to the side, trying to detach himself from the desperate emotions his death had caused his sons. He had upheld his end of the bargain, and so had the demon. His only solace was the knowledge that the demon had made a mistake. A fatal one, if he had his way.

There are rules in combat, and the demon had forgotten the very first one. Never underestimate your enemy. In trying to eliminate him as a threat, the demon instead freed him from his mortal chains in their battle. He had every intension to exploit this lack of judgment.

“This isn’t happening, Dean,” rejected Sam, shaking his head. “He was fine! You saw him. There was nothing wrong, so what the hell happened?”

“ _Sshh._ ” John couldn’t ignore the anguish of his youngest son and moved toward him. He knew Sam couldn’t see or hear him, but he couldn’t help trying to ease the pain of separation.

“I don’t know,” swallowed Dean, his gaze locked on the still form of his father lying on the bed.

“ _Remember what I said Dean,_ ” said John, searching for any clue that Dean understood what he had told him. A flicker danced behind Dean’s eyes and for a moment, he thought his son was looking directly at him.

“It’s not over,” whispered Dean.

Sam turned to stare at his brother in confusion. “He’s dead, Dean. It can’t get any more over than that.”

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“ _Careful_ ,” warned John, willing Dean to silence.

Tugging on Sam, Dean pulled him away from the room. “We gotta go. Now.”

Sam took a few stumbling steps before jerking free. “What the fuck, Dean? Dad just died, we can’t just leave.”

Gripping Sam by the shoulders, Dean pushed him up against the wall. “How long before they discover that the man lying in there isn’t who they think he is? Huh? And when they do, who do you think they’re going to go after? Us. That’s who.”

“He’s our Dad, Dean,” snapped Sam, shoving against Dean. “We can’t abandon him.”

“We’re not,” hissed Dean. “But we can’t stay here. You know that.” He shoved back, knocking Sam against the wall again.

“ _Don’t do this_ ,” said John, wishing he could step between them. They couldn’t afford to have dissension between them. Not now. To get through this, they were going to need each other.

Sam shook his head, trying to not hear the truth in Dean’s words. “But . . . .”

“No buts, Sammy,” growled Dean. “Dad knew what he was doing.”

“What?” asked Sam, latching onto what Dean had just said. “What did he do, Dean?”

“Figured it would be obvious, Sam,” said Dean, letting go and stepping back.

Understanding dawned and Sam let out a cross between and gasp and a sob. “He traded his life for yours.”

“Yeah,” said Dean, his expression crumbling at the knowledge he was standing here alive and breathing because his father took his place.

“There had to be another way,” said Sam, almost pleading for Dean to make everything okay. 

“You don’t think he would have done this if there had been, do you?!” Dean almost shouted, ignoring the looks from the people further down the hall. “How do you think it makes me feel? Knowing he’s dead because of me.”

John bent his head, wishing he could have explained until they understood why he did what he did.

“Oh, god, Dean,” choked Sam. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“Yeah, I can,” said Dean, his face set hard. “But right now we have to get out of here.”

“Shit,” said Sam, reluctantly following Dean.

Needing to know his boys would be alright before he left, John followed. He wasn’t bound by the place of his death, unlike others that clung to the last known moment of life. His reason for not moving on was tied to the demon.

He watched with a mixture of pride and remorse as Sam hotwired a car in the hospital parking lot. Had life been different that would have been a skill neither of his sons would have learned.

Sam drove without any destination in mind, putting the miles behind them, but unable to leave the nightmare. 

Dean stared out the passenger window, wrapped in his own thoughts and blankly watching the terrain pass them by until the sky started to darken. “Pull in the next motel you see.”

Sam didn’t acknowledge him, but when they came upon a motel he turned in.

John could feel the tug to get moving, but resisted until his concern for Dean and Sam was laid to rest. Instead he entered the motel room behind his sons and stood off in the corner.

Dean closed and locked the door, heading for the bathroom to check their surroundings with his usual vigilance.

Tossing their duffel bag roughly on the chair, Sam spun around and slammed his fist into the wall, mere inches to where John stood.

“Sam,” said Dean, reaching out and pulling Sam close.

Struggling to free himself, Sam tried to shove Dean away. “Let me go.”

“If you need to hit something, hit me,” said Dean, planting his feet and holding on, countering Sam’s attempts to break free. “The wall is less forgiving.”

John clenched his fists, helpless and frustrated at his inability to console his sons.

Suddenly the fight went out of Sam and he clung to Dean, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “He’s gone, Dean.”

“I know,” said Dean, cupping the back of Sam’s head and gently rubbing his fingers through his hair.

“I could have lost you, too,” whispered Sam.

“It’s going to be okay, Sam,” soothed Dean, burying his own feelings of loss.

“No, it’s not,” argued Sam. “I could still lose you without any warning like Dad.”

“I’m here,” said Dean, pulling back slightly to look Sam in the face. Still gripping Sam by the back of his head, he used his other hand to wipe away the tear on Sam’s cheek with his thumb.

John could feel the shift in his boys. He started to leave when he saw Sam lean forward and seal his lips over Dean’s. He froze, too stunned to move. There was no mistaking the kiss for anything but what it was, that of a lover.

Dean tilted his head back, breaking the intensity of the kiss. He succumbed to Sam’s single minded determination and fell back onto the bed, catching Sam as he fell with him.

Slipping his arms around Dean, Sam tightened his embrace and crushed Dean beneath him. “I need to know you’re . . . “

“I know,” said Dean, giving way to Sam.

Watching them, John had come to the realization he had underestimated his sons and the strength of their bond. Another factor the demon had also missed. He knew people needed to reconnect with another after a loss, he just hadn’t expected it to take this form between his sons.

“When’s the last time you slept?” asked Dean, lifting his chin and using his hand to try and smooth down Sam’s unruly hair.

“Don’t know,” admitted Sam, shifting to look up at Dean.

“Try and sleep,” said Dean, guiding Sam to lie his head back down. “We’ll face tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Until then, just sleep.”

Sam’s eyes drifted shut and his breathing slowed.

Dean continued to hold Sam as his brother slept. His gaze settled on the shadows that filled the corner of the room. “I’ll watch out for you, like I always have. Just like Dad will be watching over us.”

“ _Every chance I get_ ,” said John, sensing the time had come for him to leave. “ _I know I never said it enough, but I do love you boys._ ” Turning away, he stepped outside into the night. Death no longer had a hold over him. With a final hitch of his shoulders, he walked away with a determination that would have struck fear into any demon that had the misfortune to witness it.


End file.
